Man confesses to sexing picnic table, God of War videogame is clearly to blame

Some people enjoy sitting on the porch and discussing the antics of neighborhood hooligans, trading what will they think of nexts while they ogle passerby for the next potential source of gossip. The Porch Patrol may think they have every topic covered, but even if so they surely at least feigned shock and fanned themselves over the news of one Mr. Arthur Price, who was recently convicted for making sweet love to his picnic table on his backyard deck in full view of the neighbors.
Price has since confessed to the act after being filmed by one such neighbor, who recorded the acts and gave them to to police. He also confessed to sexual interactions with the table inside the home. I can only assume it was equipped for foldable storage purposes.
Foxtoid News was contacted soon after the news was announced by one Ms. Rita Kissinger, who claims to live in […]

Original post by mrdestructoid@gmail.com (Destructoid.com) and software by Elliott Back